Where Do Kittens Come From?
by jojoberry
Summary: Rumpleteazer is about to be mated, but will some false information from her beloved brother make things difficult? Get ready folks because the question of all questions is about to be answered.


**I'm back! Don't look too disappointed ;) Another one of my brain babies ready for you all to read! Rated T for some sexual language at the end. Also a special thanks to Lunaraquafy for beta reading!**

**Disclaimer: I own nada from those beautiful poems and that lovely musical, just a little bit of imagination and a computer.**

"'Ow does moi 'ead fur look?" Rumpleteazer asked her older brother while examining herself in a broken piece of mirror.

"Fo' the thousandth toime it looks foine, now stop ya worryin'" He called from a pillow he was strewn out across, obviously aggravated about hearing his younger sister's unusual obsession over her looks.

"In moi defense ya only get one matin' dawnce in ya life-well usually one-an' oi want ta look nice fo' moine." She said continuing to adjust her fur in the mirror.

'Jerrie didn't see what the big deal was. His sister looked great and she was about to be mated to Coricopat, a great tom, there was no doubt that he loved her dearly. Mungo sincerely believed that Cori would make his kid sister as happy as Tantomile made him.

"Oi fo' one am verey exioted," She said turning to face her brother, a grin plastered on her face.

"Oi was awllways jealous o' ya an' Tantomoile. An' jus' about raving mad when ya decoided not ta 'ave kits. Oi love the lit'le thin's. Though Oi can't imagine it would be too fun ta 'ave one o' them squeezed out o' ya! _Ya_ o' course don' 'ave ta worry 'bout somethin' loike that being a tom an' awll…"'Teazer continued on excitedly as she twisted her hair this way and that.

It was then that 'Jerrie realized something very important. She might have been excited about having kits, but because the pair hadn't had any parents, he wasn't entirely sure that 'Teazer knew exactly _where_ kittens came from, or what happens _after_ the newly mates dance.

That left him to help her fill in the blanks. In the past he had told her a little lie that was about to come back and bite him.

'Teazer still believed in a made-up kits tale and she was about to be mated! Not good.

"Um, 'Teaze…?" Mungojerrie asked gingerly.

"Hmm…does this look awll right?"She questioned turning to show him her latest hairstyle.

"It looks foine, but there's somethin' Oi need ta tell ya. Do ya remember a few years ago when ya asked me where kits come from?" He asked timidly.

"'Ow could Oi forget?…"

_*Flashback*_

Two streaks of calico raced through an open window carting small sacks filled to the brim with stolen goodies. The pair couldn't help giggling and snorting when the angry owners of the looted house shouted at them.

"It's that 'orible. cat!"

The pair raced to refuge in an old drain pipe laughing all the way. Once they were both safely inside Mungojerrie began to rummage through his bag picking out his especially valuable prizes. He held a shiny new fork up for examination.

"Mungo?" Rumpleteazer asked, checking out a pretty ring before shoving it back in her bag.

"Well, look-a-here 'Teaze. Would ya ta take a gander at this 'ere jewel? Woi it's a one o' a kind genuione dioamond earin'!" Mungo exclaimed.

"It's a beaut awll rioght, but it ain't one o' a koind" she said pulling out its match. Mungo's face flashed disappointment for a second before he broke into a smile.

"Then it's a genuione matchin' pair o' beautiful earin's. Whot da ya spec we'll get fo' these? Oi'd say at least rab'it. Could get us a good stash a mioce, those a' easier ta carry…" He continued to mumble to himself.

"Mungo?" Rumple repeated.

"Hmm…wot?" The tom replied obviously distracted.

"Where da kitten's come from?" she asked simply. 'Jerrie stopped in his tracks dropping his spoils, and staring straight ahead.

"Wot?" He asked his undivided attention towards his younger sister.

"Kittens, where da they come from?" she repeated tilting her head at her brother.

"W-wot makes ya ask tha'?" he questioned slowly turning to his sister, and running a paw through his head fur.

"Ah' pets ah' 'aving kittens soon an' Oi won' ta know where they come from. Woi? Is it bad?"

"Oh boi…uh no no' bad jus' um…maybe ya should ask someone else." he stampered.

"Ya mean ya don' know?" she asked.

"No! Oi defiantly know, Oi jus'…it's 'ard ta explain." he said defensively.

"Foine Oi'll jus' found someone smahtah ta tell moi." She said matter o' factly, turning on her heel.

"Wait!" He cried. "Maybe its best that ya 'ear it from moi. Well 'teaze…its loike this…when a boi cat an' a girl cat love each other very much they…um…they tell Ol' D! Yeah thats what they do, they tell Ol' D, who tells the everlasting cat who um…puts a pearl undah a cabbage leaf and then the girl cat eats the cabbage an' a new baby kitten starts ta grow in her belly." His confidence grew along with the lie, leaving him smiling proudly in conclusion. Rumpleteazer stared at him with a blank look on her face.

"Tha's awll?" She asked, unimpressed.

"Yup thats it," He replied smugly.

"Well woi didn' ya say so? Now, Oi'm off ta found somethin' ta eat. Care ta join moi?" She said slinging her bag over her shoulder, walking towards

"Only if ya promise not ta giggle so much an' scare awll the food away again!" He said scampering after her, glad to have that conversation over and done with.

_*Flash forward*_

"Well," He started. "Not awll of that is exactly true…"He said guiltily scratching behind his ears.

"Oh 'Jer Oi know ya were loin' ta me!"She said playfully cuffing his ear.

"Ya-Ya did?"He stamered in disbelief.

"O' course Oi did! Ya didn't really think Oi'd believe such poppycock did ya? Aftah ah lit'le 'chat' Oi went ta Jenny ta confirm an' she told moi awll about it. She also told moi Oi should tell ya Oi knew, but Oi thought it would be too much o' a good toime ta pass up." She said smartly.

"Ya mean ya know awll about…_it_?"He asked still in shock from this sudden realization. 'Teazer grinned slyly and leaned in close to his ear whispering.

"Ya mean the birds an' the bees, knocking boots, gettin' busy, the 'orizontal tango, mattress mambo, makin' love, coitus, gettin' laid, 'aving sex, makin' whoopee, copulatin', consummatin', fornicatin', intahcourse, matin', an' o' course…_it_? Yeah Oi know awll 'bout that." She smiled cheekily and went back to her mirror, leaving her dumbstruck brother on the bed with his jaw dropped.

"Now,"She said as if the past few minutes had never happened. "'Ow does moi 'ead fur look?"

**Thank you internet for helping me find all those words for sex! I would have stopped at a few, but some of those were too good to pass up ;) Originally I was supposed to make 'Teaze upset about having kits but I think that this way fits in much better don't you? **

**Drop me a question/comment/concern/smile face bellow and thanks for reading!**


End file.
